Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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