Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
