i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
