After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
