And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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