So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
