Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
