'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
