oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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