i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
