I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
