You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
