I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
