I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's always time for handjobs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
