I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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