? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
