I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
