Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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