At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
