This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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