Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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