It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
