you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
