did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
