You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
