nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
