How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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