i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
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Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize