anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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