Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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