I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
