By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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