It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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