Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
