just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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