He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
