when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
