Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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