dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
