brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
