I didn't shave. On purpose
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
