Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
