Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
