I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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