first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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