my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
