your parents love me but you hate me
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
