My nipple is on Facebook.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
