he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i dont even know how to be here
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
