I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
