Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
