These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
