There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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