It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
