I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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