That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
