dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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