I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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