I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
