ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
